Ode to a Moron

The matter was between her and me
but turtle-friend stuck his neck out
and I knew he was now looking for trouble.
But behold! a voice cautioned me immediately
'you ought to watch out
when an old dog barks!'
Replied I, 'he's no old dog but my friend'
Nope, came the reply, 'appearances are often misleading'
Beware you ought to use the hand of a back rider
if you ever need to catch a snake.
When a fox preaches, look to the geese;
unite the spiders of your will
to tie down that beast;
behave like a duck -keep calm and unruffled on the surface
and paddle like the devil underneath;
I know it's hard to be brave for a very small animal
but even a frog will kick when an elephant is in trouble;
you will never know if you are quick until
you poked a mountain beast with a stick;
give to a pig when it grunts
and a fool when he meddles in,
you will have a fine pig
and a stupid fool;
a reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog
it keeps him brooding over he's a dog;
a hen is only an egg's way of making another egg;
leave that sod critic alone who boasts to be an artist
failing to become a soldier he became a stool pigeon;
let him swallow a toad and encounter nothing more
disgusting the rest of the day;
tell him, long words and ceremonial style
bothers my Little Brain;
I'll not squirt milk on a toad
lest my cow goes dry;
though I cannot run faster than the ugly bear
I can still run faster than the slowest guy
running from him.